Too Cool for Internet Explorer

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Welcome To the AntiSocial

First of all, never mind the fact that everyone already knows the Zune sucks—something that has been confirmed by many mainstream press write-ups. Clearly, Microsoft itself must know it sucks. It’s the latest thing from Microsoft and not only does it not appear on their freakin’ home page, it’s not even listed on the page that appears when you click All Products. And the icing on that cake is that typing ‘zune’ in the product search box from the All Products page turns up no results!

So, I went back to the home page and typed it into the main site search box, and found Okay, fine. Let’s look at the big section there that says “up close.”

Okay, it’s a photo album. Hoo boy, let’s examine each photo…

First picture: Hmm, there’s the Zune, but all I can focus on is that ugly foot in the background, above the Zune.

Second picture: Well, I think of all the photos, this one is the most “up close” of all, but I have no idea what the screens of the two Zunes are showing me.

Third: Wow, forgive the stereotyping, but all I see are two perps, one looking out for heat and the other searching for his dealer’s number.

Fourth: Dark room, lots of people—probably a bar or night club—what a wonderful place to bring a portable music player…someplace where the music in the room is a zillion times louder than earbuds have any prayer of overcoming.

Number five: “Go on, I’ll kick mine if you kick yours.” (I nearly led off number five as Hawaii Five-O—looks like lush Hawaiian grass with Jack Lord’s white feet and Zulu’s dark feet.)

Six: Because of where her hand is, that thing looks as much like a black iPod video as it does a Zune.

Lucky number 7: Not so lucky. If “the social” includes ugly-beard-guy, I want no part of it. So where’s the Zune? Oh, there, I see it!

8-) All right, probably a typical teen scene—in a graffiti-vandaled nitch in the wall!

Niner: Red light district?

One Zero: So I guess Microsoft doesn’t mind advertising their product with a photo of lesbians—not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian.

Eleventeen: Probably the best photo of all—two Zunes appropriately close to two asses.

And on that note, I’m going back to the sofa to watch various characters on Boston Legal make asses of themselves.

» Posted by ALBj at 11:57 PM (ET)
Category: Musings


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